Somehow I’ve become one of those people I used to run from-those whose life seems to be a train wreck…..Why is my life like this? I’ve got complicated health problems. Given the current health care system in the U.S., this does not make my life easy. My living situation is problematic-I rent from a private landlord and live on his personal property, in a small apartment built into his his garage. Before this election we had coexisted peacefully, despite vast political and religious and cultural differences. He is a conservative Evangelical Xian though probably not as conservative as his wife and relatives. I know that he himself dislikes Trump and the mess in Washington. But we have clashed b/c he does not understand my concern over environmental conditions ( I discovered mold in my AC) nor share them. And I fear that if I push TOO much, I’ll be asked to move. My apartment is affordable (for now, though he’s recently raised my rent) and is in a very convenient location (Historic District) in town. And then there’s the recent breakdown of several pieces of my electronica…my Iphone died (dead, defunct, deceased); my vacuum cleaner also died, and as I mentioned earlier my AC has mold in it though that’s my landlord’s to replace, not mine, and he’s NOT replacing it-I scrubbed it out for several hours after I discovered this and now spray it with hydrogen peroxide every week, but I fear that’s the bolting the barn door after the horses have escaped, sigh.
I console myself somewhat with the fact that I’m not the only one experiencing a breakdown of daily structure-many I know are experiencing similar struggles. A friend who lives in a different state and who has a good job with decent insurance recounted a problem getting a prescription filled lately. It took multiple phone calls to the pharmacy AND to her physician. This was not an out of the ordinary med but something she took on a routine basis and was generic. And the tales I hear on transit from bus denizens who doesn’t have really ANY resources are truly harrowing, not to mention some of the stories I get told from the folks I “meet” whilst phonebanking….they break my heart, they do. So a lot of us are hurting out here.
I find myself chasing my tail and playing catch-up from one month to the next. I keep telling myself that myself that things will get better but I think I’m going to stop that. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. I guess that life now is just going to be fucked up for an indefinite time. I’ve tried to seek help from different sources, to no avail. So I’ll just do the best I can, and if my best isn’t good enough? Well….
I grew up in Mississippi. When things get tough, you turn to the blues. I’m posting this video of Son House doing Walking Blues, b/c one, he was a phenomenal musician and two, I got to hear him and meet him before he died.
https://youtu.be/Wl5BiHw74xU
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