I saw my internist yesterday. After an exhaustive interview with TWO docs, more labs, I now have a confirmed positive diagnosis of COVID-19. I asked the doc who accompanied her, “What I REALLY wanna know here, doc….where should I inject the bleach and what sorta UV device works the best to cure this?” He looked at me like I had lost my mind and replied, “Please do not do not try anything like either of those two things, and where did you hear about them?” My doc cracked up and said that I had heard it from THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES, and it was a totally sarcastic comment from me. He looked utterly appalled. I laughed and told him that they were lucky I wasn’t asking them for hydroxychloroquine, as I had already had a z-pack! He looked confused (again). (Dude must be too busy to keep up with our Dr. Cheeto, more power to him.) Then my doc held up her foot and said, “Hey, we’re shoe mates!” Yep, we were wearing the same shoes! By this time, other doc was about ready to lose patience with the both of us…..I love my internist!
So how am I FEELING? Idk. Physically this is difficult, of course. There’s all the stuff that lead to this. The fever that just keeps recurring; the headaches that do the same. The night sweats that drench the bed.The shortness of breath that make it harder to do simple things like take walks and deep breaths. The loss of my ability to smell and taste is disconcerting and leading to some weight loss. The pervasive malaise and fatigue are debilitating and profound.
And then there psychological things. I don’t know whether they are side effects of COVID-19 or by-products of quarantine or just my usual depression. NO-ONE does. (My doc answered more questions than not with the answer “You will be telling me,” which is not what I wanted to hear.) But, yeah, I have some anxiety regarding this. Over that no-one knows what the long-term ramifications of it are. I’m pretty sure it’s not going to kill me, short-term. I’ve dodged THAT particular bullet, though for a bit it seemed sorta iffy. But I’ve thought about it and and am trying to put that anxiety away with all my OTHER health-related anxiety. (When you are a micro-preemie, health anxiety is like your native land, right? You OWN it. You are so used to hospitals, docs, and invasive healthcare that by now pandemics are sorta…almost prepared for.) The diagnosis DID take some burden off, in a way. I was beginning to think I was crazy. I kept calling my doc up with all these things….weird things. So at least THAT’s resolved. Now I’m back to regularly scheduled depression and anxiety…..sorta kinda.
What I REALLY don’t like and what almost ENRAGES me is this POLITICAL shit. Like, I haven’t told my landlord about my diagnosis. B/c of his political beliefs. He would belittle it, possibly shame me, and make me feel even worse. And people who don’t wear masks in public like at grocery stores and other places? Look, you wanna flaunt your politics, fine. But find a way to do so that doesn’t endanger the health of everyone else. Viruses don’t give a flying F about your party line, k? They’ll cross that with impunity. And if you do choose your precious individual liberties to endanger yourself (and others) and fall ill b/c of it? You might want to consider whether you also want to choose to burden the health care system with CARING FOR YOU…..
Rant over.
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