Feminism is back in the news, thank you, Donald. Trump’s announcement at the last debate that he would appoint Supreme Court justices who would repeal Roe v. Wade got me thinking back to my much younger days and my brush with that particular mindset. This occurred when I was twenty-five, not too long after grad school. At that time I was married. We were living in Louisiana. I had occasion to visit a gynecologist for treatment of endometriosis. I didn’t inquire as to his religious or political affiliation, and as it turned out, I should have. When I awoke from the procedure, his first words to me were, “Congratulations, you can still children!” His priority was NOT relieving me of my misery but preserving my child-bearing capability! I ended up going back to the gyno in my university town who was outraged at his treatment of me and performed a hysterectomy posthaste. (For the record, my then-husband and I had discussed the issue of children before we were married. Neither of us wanted to reproduce. End of discussion.) The first doctor I mentioned was Republican, a foe of Roe v. Wade, AND Catholic…all of which came to influence his medical treatment of me-a secular Democratic feminist Jewish female (at the time). When I confronted him later in his office, he readily admitted that he wanted me to have children-and when I sarcastically asked who would FATHER said children, as my husband had had a vasectomy, he calmly replied, “I’m sure you could find a way!” I walked out of his office, never to return! I was furious. He cost me time, an unnecessary medical procedure, and a fair amount of expense. He had come highly recommended in that small (mainly Catholic and Christian) town. It took an out of town, indeed, an out of state, trip to actually get my hysterectomy, but my gyno where I went to grad school came through with no problem, even though I was young (25). I spent 3 days in the hospital recuperating, had an appendectomy thrown in while they were in there, and received excellent care. Have I ever regretted it? Not for a minute! I kept in touch with that particular doc for a long time just b/c he was such an awesome person. I would give him updates on how I was doing (and never fail to say thank for a pain-free life, vis a vis the hysterectomy) and he would catch me up on what he was into. We lost contact in the early 2000s. I miss him.
Category: personal
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Relocation
Come Thanksgiving I will be moving. I will leave my quirky cool little town for the red state of Oklahoma. As I’ve been informing folks about this, I’ve been surprised by the reactions I’ve been getting. People are really going to miss me! One of the transit drivers has been going out of his way to ensure that he picks me more often just so he can see me before I depart. (Our transit system is a little odd.) Other passengers have said that they wished I weren’t going. This past weekend I told my landlord. He knocked on my door last night and wanted to talk. He said that, while not wanting to overstep boundaries, he and his wife had talked about my situation and were concerned. They proposed that I go to Oklahoma for a month to see if I liked it. If it worked, then stay, no worries. BUT they would keep my apartment for me for a month or two, and should it not work out, I would have a place to come back to that was home. I am very touched by this. He and his family have become part of my extended family while I’ve lived here. I joke that that they give Christians a good name. His kids are absolutely amazing, and I’m looking forward to seeing them progress into adulthood. My colleagues at the library are also sad to see me go and say that the shelves are never going to look good again, lol. Probably true, b/c I was the one who stayed on everyone about shelving and “dammit, this is the correct way to do it!” But being chronically ill by oneself is not easy, and I want to see what it is like actually having someone else for companionship, so I’m going to brave the tornadoes and Republicans and give this a go. Miss P will have another whippet for company and plenty of room to run. I’ll have my best friend and someone for whom to cook. She’s promised to take me to the library as often as necessary. When she’s not working, we’ll get out and about. I’ll do things around the house and help take care of the animals. No yard-work, though. I don’t cut grass, muck stalls, or toss hay. Not my purview. My urban limits can only stretch so far.
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Fates And Traitors: A Novel Of John Wilkes Booth By Jennifer Chiaverini-A Review
Fates and Traitors recreates the story of one of America’s most famous men-John Wilkes Booth-through a skillful portrayal of four women surrounding him. As we follow Mary Ann Booth (his mother), Asia Booth (his sister), Lucy Hale (the woman he courted), and Mary Surratt (his supporter and Confederate sympathizer), we come to know Booth himself as he grows to manhood, becomes an actor, and eventually assassinates President Lincoln. The book shows a man gripped by an obsessive fixation on Lincoln as a means of solving, on way or another, the problems faced by the South at the end of the Civil War. He deceives those he loves in the employment of the Cause, with the bitter and tragic result that history records. A good read, especially for any of you Civil War buffs! (On a personal note: when I was an undergrad working my first library job, one of my co-workers was a descendant of Dr. Mudd. He was most insistent that Dr. Mudd was innocent and had treated Booth not knowing what he had done. Very interesting fellow.)
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Manitou Canyon By William Kent Krueger-A Review
Autumn seems the perfect setting for the latest (#15) Cork O’Connor book from William Kent Krueger. I like my settings to correspond, and so when I’m reading a novel that is set in the fall in a mountainous region, and I’M living in a mountainous region in the fall, it makes me oddly happy. Add to this that I read his previous book at this same time last year, and my OCD pattern yearnings are really satisfied! These things aside, the book is well worth reading, both as a stand-alone thriller but especially if you follow the series. There is a fast-paced plot with some interesting turns and twists. The characters that have appeared in previous O’Connor novels are here, plus a few new additions that we might be seeing later. The way Krueger writes about Minnesota’s Northwoods is itself reason enough to read his books-he truly makes the landscape an integral part of the story, and indeed it is part of the plot. This is a great book to take to bed as the leaves fall and the nights grow cooler!
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Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants
I recently learned that I have microscopic colitis, specifically collagenous colitis. Upon doing some research into the subject, it seems that SSRIs and SNRIs might aggravate and possible even be a causative factor of this inflammatory bowel disease. Over the years I have taken SSRIs and SNRIs to help combat depression, with the SNRIs proving most effective, along with the atypical Remeron. Right now I’m on a relatively low dose of Cymbalta. I think it helps with my mood but wouldn’t be enough by itself to stop me from descending into the stygian depths. But it does double-duty, helping with the muscle and joint pains of fibromyalgia. And it does these things very effectively, with little side effects. To keep me stable and from severe depression, I rely upon Remeron, an atypical anti-depressant. This helps me sleep and provides the heavy duty lift that Cymbalta can’t. I ‘ve been on it for several years and keep my fingers crossed that it will continue to work, b/c it is THE “go-to” medication for severe and recalcitrant depression, which mine was. This regimen is my maintenance and my lifeline. I remember what life used to be before I found meds that worked, and it was literally a life not worth living. Every day I wanted to die. I would have killed myself, but that required more effort that I could muster, one, and two, I felt sure that I was so stupid I would bungle the job and be left in a state even worse than the one I was currently in. This was despite the efforts of excellent psychiatrists (back when psychiatrists still did therapy) and eventually even ECT. The ECT made me forget for a while, but the depression returned again and again. I was put on a stronger drug regimen, had hospitalizations, felt hopeless. Then something changed. Perhaps it was the right combination of meds, I don’t know. For the first time in my life, color appeared. Where the world had been only hues of gray, I started to notice small details, like red birds in the trees, the taste of food, and the love of my dog (actually a big thing). I got a new psychiatrist (old-school) who listened to me, knew her meds, and gradually helped me reduce the number of psych meds I was I was on. I saw a difference at work-I actually talked to my colleagues now, rather than going immediately into the stacks as had been my wont. I started being more social (on the internet) and going to the local farmers market, out to dinner, and attending fests and plays . In short, I gained a life.
This is the reason why, even should my gastroenterologist tell conclusively that I need to discontinue the Cymbalta, that I would tell him no. I would rather deal with symptoms of a physical illness any day than return to the devastating effects of depression. I’m doing, to use the words of Peter D. Kramer, “ordinarily well” and am stable, functioning at a high degree (except for the colitis), and want to keep it that way. So no tinkering with my psych meds!
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Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants
I recently learned that I have microscopic colitis, specifically collagenous colitis. Upon doing some research into the subject, it seems that SSRIs and SNRIs might aggravate and possible even be a causative factor of this inflammatory bowel disease. Over the years I have taken SSRIs and SNRIs to help combat depression, with the SNRIs proving most effective, along with the atypical Remeron. Right now I’m on a relatively low dose of Cymbalta. I think it helps with my mood but wouldn’t be enough by itself to stop me from descending into the stygian depths. But it does double-duty, helping with the muscle and joint pains of fibromyalgia. And it does these things very effectively, with little side effects. To keep me stable and from severe depression, I rely upon Remeron, an atypical anti-depressant. This helps me sleep and provides the heavy duty lift that Cymbalta can’t. I ‘ve been on it for several years and keep my fingers crossed that it will continue to work, b/c it is THE “go-to” medication for severe and recalcitrant depression, which mine was. This regimen is my maintenance and my lifeline. I remember what life used to be before I found meds that worked, and it was literally a life not worth living. Every day I wanted to die. I would have killed myself, but that required more effort that I could muster, one, and two, I felt sure that I was so stupid I would bungle the job and be left in a state even worse than the one I was currently in. This was despite the efforts of excellent psychiatrists (back when psychiatrists still did therapy) and eventually even ECT. The ECT made me forget for a while, but the depression returned again and again. I was put on a stronger drug regimen, had hospitalizations, felt hopeless. Then something changed. Perhaps it was the right combination of meds, I don’t know. For the first time in my life, color appeared. Where the world had been only hues of gray, I started to notice small details, like red birds in the trees, the taste of food, and the love of my dog (actually a big thing). I got a new psychiatrist (old-school) who listened to me, knew her meds, and gradually helped me reduce the number of psych meds I was I was on. I saw a difference at work-I actually talked to my colleagues now, rather than going immediately into the stacks as had been my wont. I started being more social (on the internet) and going to the local farmers market, out to dinner, and attending fests and plays . In short, I gained a life.
This is the reason why, even should my gastroenterologist tell conclusively that I need to discontinue the Cymbalta, that I would tell him no. I would rather deal with symptoms of a physical illness any day than return to the devastating effects of depression. I’m doing, to use the words of Peter D. Kramer, “ordinarily well” and am stable, functioning at a high degree (except for the colitis), and want to keep it that way. So no tinkering with my psych meds!
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Ordinarily Well: The Case For Anti-Depressants By Peter D. Kramer-A Review
Let me say first of all that I came to this book predisposed to like it. I had read Kramer’s earlier books on depression (Listening to Prozac, Against Depression) and enjoyed them a great deal. I’m aware that there has been a controversy concerning the use of anti-depressants and their efficacy so was pleased when I found this book. In the interest of transparency, I have a personal reason for advocacy of this book, for I have a long history with depression. I’ve got reason to know that anti-depressants can be just as efficacious and life-saving as Kramer says. They have indeed made me “ordinarily well”, a person who can function in the world. Before I found the one that worked, I was immobilized by anxiety and the kind of depression that cripples a person. I regarded existence as a burden, longed to die, but was so immobilized and enervated that I lacked the energy to do anything about it. The right anti-depressant and a good psychiatrist changed that. And after several good years on the right medication, I can say that I have found I am more resilient, that I can face even potentially devastating news with a measure of equanimity, and that I can finally say “I enjoy living.” In Kramer’s new book, he makes the case that anti-depressants ARE effective, that they have the research behind them to back this up, and they function as what he calls “co-therapists.” He cites study after study and backs up his claims with evidence. There IS reason to be wary of Big Pharma where psych drugs are concerned, but anti-depressants just might be one of their biggest successes. Don’t stop taking your anti-depressants! If you want to know WHY NOT, read this book!
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Ordinarily Well: The Case For Anti-Depressants By Peter D. Kramer-A Review
Let me say first of all that I came to this book predisposed to like it. I had read Kramer’s earlier books on depression (Listening to Prozac, Against Depression) and enjoyed them a great deal. I’m aware that there has been a controversy concerning the use of anti-depressants and their efficacy so was pleased when I found this book. In the interest of transparency, I have a personal reason for advocacy of this book, for I have a long history with depression. I’ve got reason to know that anti-depressants can be just as efficacious and life-saving as Kramer says. They have indeed made me “ordinarily well”, a person who can function in the world. Before I found the one that worked, I was immobilized by anxiety and the kind of depression that cripples a person. I regarded existence as a burden, longed to die, but was so immobilized and enervated that I lacked the energy to do anything about it. The right anti-depressant and a good psychiatrist changed that. And after several good years on the right medication, I can say that I have found I am more resilient, that I can face even potentially devastating news with a measure of equanimity, and that I can finally say “I enjoy living.” In Kramer’s new book, he makes the case that anti-depressants ARE effective, that they have the research behind them to back this up, and they function as what he calls “co-therapists.” He cites study after study and backs up his claims with evidence. There IS reason to be wary of Big Pharma where psych drugs are concerned, but anti-depressants just might be one of their biggest successes. Don’t stop taking your anti-depressants! If you want to know WHY NOT, read this book!
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I Faced The Zombie Apocalypse Armed Only With A Smartphone
My computer died last week. The hard drive was fucked, and I found myself staring at the black screen of death. Just to make sure of this, I called tech support, they did their thing and confirmed the worst. I had been anticipating this, since my computer was an older machine, relatively speaking. It had been glitchy for some time, esp. after I gave in to the wheedling obnoxious and persistent demonic voice of Microsoft and installed the update of Win10. My PC and I were both perfectly happy with Win7, and I had every intention of ignoring the FREE update but hit WRONG key when the evil box appeared yet again….and ended up with Win10. Everything was fine for maybe a week, then the Troubles started. My browsers developed infuriating twitches and crashed like the Great Depression had hit. I’d call tech support, spend hours on the phone, be assured the problem was resolved, only to have it recur the next day. Finally an astute (or honest) tech told me that I was running Win10 on a system that was not intended for it. Well, yeah. I had figured that was part of the problem. But it was a little too late to do anything about it at this point. The damage was done; the horse had run; use whatever cliché comes to mind. Suffice to say, I knew the end was nigh; I was hoping, though, that the PC would last until I relocated in several months, just b/c I’m OCD and like everything tidy. But time and tech conspired to foil that plan. I had Dell build me a sweet new machine with all the bells and whistles I had been wanting, down to the color. (What, you didn’t I’d buy something cheap off the shelf from some big-box store, did you ?) It took about a week, so I had to spend that time WITHOUT A PC with only my smartphone! And I have discovered that a smartphone is NOT very smart, that is, it is no replacement for a PC. Here are some of the things I COULDN’T do on my smartphone: blog: amend an eBay listing; post reviews on sites; navigate around sites except in very restricted ways; empty my mailbox. I’m old enough to remember (before PCs were even around) when phones were constricted by landlines, and after this experience I found myself missing my old landline! Had the zombie apocalypse actually occurred, I probably would have used the smartphone for a weapon, and trust me, my aim is NOT that good. I’m far more accurate online. I’m comfortable with a computer and fairly geeky, but phones just drive me nuts. I often leave mine at home when I go out, simply b/c I refuse to be tethered to it-though I will take my laptop! Anyway, my PC has arrived-a wonderful little machine (thanks, Dell!), so I’m here, finally, and I survived !
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Wild Scrabble
So I followed the World Scrabble Championship match Sunday with bated breath. Kudos to Brett Smitheram who won with “braconid” and thereby earned the game, trouncing his partner by a whopping 174 points with that one word alone. I f you are wondering just what the word means, it refers to a parasitic wasp. I love Scrabble and play online at the Internet Scrabble Club. Before I found that site, I played on FB but playing there was frustratingly slow, and the quality of players I would encounter were variable. Sometimes the responses were downright bizarre. I had one person-(I assume this was a male but don’t know for certain)- demand that I take my clothes off before playing, telling me that “this was scrabble for the grown-ups, chickie.” I declined to play this person. It traumatized me to the point where I shut down my FB profile altogether, something I had wanted to do anyway. I had found The Internet Scrabble Club, a MUCH more professional venue for serious Scrabble players and am very happy there.
But let me recount my Scrabble adventures in RL! I mourn the loss of my Scrabble buddy to relocation. He was a colleague from work, a fellow librarian, and the only person I’ve found willing to play around here. We’d meet every Friday evening for dinner and a game. When I initially moved here, a friend who lives in a much larger city, suggested that I advertise on CraigsList for a Scrabble partner. Naive me, I did so. That might work in a larger venue. HERE, it only garnered me offers to play for kinky sex. I quickly took the ad down, horrified at the responses. I only wanted a plain vanilla SCRABBLE PARTNER. People apparently thought it was code for something else, but I’m still not sure what. SMH. I can’t find ANYONE who will play me. I’ve got a nice board, the latest edition of the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary…..I’ll provide endless cups of very high quality hot tea to fuel the game! Of course, I DO play for blood and don’t consider a game well-played unless both players have scored well over 400 points.
My landlord loves me. I pay my rent early. I always inform him if there’s ever a problem (and he always gets it fixed). I look after his place, should his family go on vacation. My dog plays with his dog. I never throw bashes. A hotly contested Scrabble game is as wild as I get. What better tenant than a librarian with a non-barking whippet? (The whippet yodels, she rarely barks. And she has my landlord wrapped firmly around her front paw. He not only brings her steak scraps, he brings whole steaks, plus organic treats he buys specially for her from the vet’s office.) Now, if ONLY I could FIND a Scrabble partner!