once I caught stars like fireflies
held them close to my beating heart
released them back into the night
to shine as distant guides
now I would throw my heart to them
but it is a cold still thing
Incapable even of reflecting light
a heavy weight bound by grief
filled with tears too hard to cry
foolish foolish me, how did I presume
I know the bridge is damaged
know the poor repair
see the holes between the planks
nothing but dead air
what am I supposed to do
the only way across
turn back now or take the chance
this the coin toss
so I keep walking I keep walking
I keep walking I keep walking
I feel the boards tremble
with every step I take
the piling seems to crumble
beneath my slight weight
what am I supposed to do
I am here this day
no turning back, I’d flipped the dime
it tumbles still in play
so I keep walking I keep walking
I keep walking I keep walking
if I reach the other side
I will not look back
got no way to stop collapse
ruin into wrack
what am I supposed to do
I’m no different from you or you
gamblers all, at least I know
the bet itself is rigged-and it means nothing
so I keep walking I keep walking
I keep walking I keep walking
I eat but do not care, another act observed
another memory so leached of life
that the mere contemplation dries my mouth
and I half expect to see
carrion beetles scurry around the meal
let them feed on what remains
scraps and dregs of misguided judgements
and once their offspring hunger in turn
my flesh my bones my bitter dreams
no covered mirrors, for she did not die
still she is torn from me, a kind of death
these will be my seven days
cover the windows, lock the doors
turn off the lights
when I sit upon the lowest seat
darkness and silence settle beside me
companions without judgment or demand
yisgadal v’yiskadash sh’mei raba
words arising without ask
a shawl of comfort connecting me to ancient home
I weep and am comforted
nighttime is falling and winter is here
trees are all barren and hillsides are sere
a hard snow is coming and the wind cuts through
I cannot reach for her, she’s gone from me now
it is what it is
Main Street is empty and restaurants have closed
a predacious hawk has silenced the crows
the train sounds a blast as it rushes through town
it is what it is
it is what it is
that’s what we all say
it is what it is
the response of the day
it is what it is
we shrug and go on
in truth it says nothing at all
grief makes it falter
forgetting of loss again and again
until this fact settles hard like a stone
in the the crevice of the body
love continues its passage now subterranean
the tumble and flow turning even sharp sadness
into worn river rock polished by time
yet still sometimes in the night
I feel her warm by my side and know
each moment with her was enough
eternity itself would not have sufficed
an ordinary walk on an ordinary day
and then
the road rumbles from unseen force
the sky darkens with sodden clouds
the corvids mutter with ominous intent
any step seems to offer momentous risk
I could fear could be afraid could choose fright
instead I laugh at all of this continue on my way
let unkindness and murder remain with the crows
weighty drama in the realm of changing weather
these do not inform nor enforce my path
these temporary signs are not my directions
I hand you a diamond
hard cold polished clear faceted
a jewel beyond price
I hand you a heart
soft warm worn pink chambered
itself also beyond price
and with these a key that opens a door
where you find everything
with which you’ve filled your mind these years
would you then be happy
be at peace be able to rest in comfort and ease
no month crueler than any other
nor day nor year nor passing life
suffering not measured by tablespoons
not placed upon a balance scale
what joy weighs against what sorrow
when they look so much alike
a tear falls into your hand without warning
you do not know its source
wetness revealing neither happiness nor grief
you can only stare into the sky
stories layered upon stories
words swirling like dust in a storm
narratives constantly shifting
no self that controls
no point to be gotten
no center to be held
eventually the mad twirl settles
there once again is the clear light
morning sun and luminous sky
