when you remember to look for me
I will be gone
nothing left behind, no trail of footprints
no scattered bones, no word scrawled upon a leaf
I take stories with me, that they not be discarded
not dust from your lives but seeds instead
planted elsewhere, this is how
the web of connection grows and spreads
one day you will travel, to find yourself at home
I said goodbye, my voice thickened
swallowing anguish again and again
that burned my eyes with the unshed collect of tears
halted my breath with the weighted catch of sorrow
not for her, never for her, but for my own selfish loss
I bid my grief rest in the her great fortune
happiness evident in her keen clear gaze
sharp with newfound focus and affectionate attention
this was what I wanted most
so judged my distress an insignificant thing
a sliver of glass lodged in my heart alone
a sliver ablaze with love and shining with her joy
what purpose these words, except to me
and even then they seem foolish
of less use than the gravel on the road
those broken grits that cause the unwary to slip
I fall so often and so hard
best heed not anything I write
since ignorance must be my walking stick
and confusion my current path
in cardboard boxes within storage sheds
in emptied rooms of decrepit abode
remain looseleaf pages and journals
the paper yellowed by time’s dry hand
dampened with mold darker than ink’s fade
these a bequest for the better things
the crawling ants and nibbling bugs
the inexorable decay that transmutes all
in the burning of the brush
the smoke the ash the guarded fire
what do you allow yourself to see
let memory rise within this act
the story shared be one of love
a regeneration that carries all
if you focus only upon the char
make bitter grief your flint and steel
you turn a purposed needful deed
to one that scorches beyond control
yourself both spark and endless fuel
so breath now and know
that death is not the final end
you can see him living evermore
in field and sky and running stream
and the laughter of a child
this body this flesh these bones
heavy with suffering carried
sink deeper into the dirt
wrapped with chains of attachment
let go let go
remember the lightness of a feather
that drifts onto an open hand
the love that lifts the heart to soar
winged like a plumate bird
let go let go
you’ve died you’ve flown
now be at ease relax rest
in the infinite expanse of your spacious mind
shared space that allows for tears
the held silence meaningful as words
common walks stepping both joy and sorrow
an exchanged gaze a password to home
this the experience of being seen
this the web that connects all
this a path to move through the day
the how and why of love
because I learned so early that life begins with tears
the deep wrench of dying again and again
the equal wonder of drawing breath once more
and above all the ever present field of love
a touch, a smile, a gentle word
these hold such power to heal unseen hurt
a balm to soothe splatters from any scald
a roadmap to guide the abandoned home
I kept these as jewels within my heart
as precious lessons to study and learn
until one day they so multiplied, they overflow
and spill from my fingers as I walk
wake, startled into notice, to wonder who is gone
walk through the streets to remember
the clatter of stones beneath your feet
sounding the clink of cup against saucer
there a moment recalling tea
the blue of pottery casually shattered
left as shards in random view
shining the unguarded glimpse of eyes
that looked for what others didn’t see
the brush of a petal against your hand
soft and unbidden as all kindness ever is
falling unnoticed to the ground
to rest in unseen ashes, the scattering of love
when you are lost, so easy to be these days
remember what brings you home
gray clouds recall dark waves of the sea
both echo in the rushing creeks and slower rivers
a handful of dirt is grit from your own bare feet
a smudge from the cheek of a beloved child
dust from a house that makes you feel safe
despair is easy, just too is hope
both practiced habits we daily foster
be kind to yourself thus to others
come back, come back, always return