Hallway to Nowhere

Category: poems

  • Trump and Tears: My Own Personal “Trump Effect”

    When Trump (#NotMyPresident) was elected, I cried. They were NOT tears of joy, believe you me. Little did I know that those tears were merely a bitter, bitter presage of the many tears to follow. From having a President who never reduced me to crying or incoherency, save for a tear here and there of pride in him as he represented us so well on the world stage or lit the WH in rainbow colors when Marriage Equality finally became law of the land, I now have a POTUS who with depressing regularity brings me to fits of actual crying. (And I STILL can’t listen to Le Tigre’s “I’m With Her” w/o breaking down.) His tweets can make me gnash my teeth, to the point that my dentist is concerned. And don’t even get me started on what my psychiatrist thinks, lol. I pointed out that NO-ONE makes meds strong enough to deal with a Trump presidency. He laughed and suggested perhaps I should start a support group. He was joking. But I’m seriously considering it. People (like me) who are now marginalized by Spanky and his gang can use all the help they can get.

    When I heard Trump’s latest, the “shithole countries” remark, I cried yet again. Let me say that before Trump, that last time I had cried was when my last beloved guinea pig died…over TEN years ago. I don’t cry easily. I deal with things and go on. But this man….Here’s why I cried at the “shithole countries” remark:

    First, from just the continuing SHOCK that a sitting PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA would make such a remark. Two, the contrast was immediate to his predecessor. Obama had great empathy and compassion. I highly doubt Trump  ever even tweeted the word “empathy,” let alone experienced it. And I won’t even go into the matters of style and class. Utterly no comparision possible there. Three, I felt such despair at the complete callousness that this displayed towards those from these countries.

    I really endeavor not to hate anyone. I think it a waste of time and energy. But Trump is making me rethink this policy. I’m begining to hate him personally, viscerally, and with vituperation. I dislike what he’s doing to the country but I dislike what he’s doing to me as a person. I’m now: angry; anxious; fearful; tearful; and depressed. MAGA, indeed! Snort!

  • Report on Doug Jones’ Win In Alabama

    A Democrat won in Alabama. Freakin’ ALABAMA! But before we go getting all warm and fuzzy toward the denizens of that benighted state, let me point out WHO exactly  elected Doug Jones: the African American residents, most specifically THE WOMEN! They turned out to vote for him in greater numbers than even for Barack Obama. Now, younger white voters did vote for Jones,esp. in the urban counties, but most of the older white males in Alabama voted for Moore and the majority of white women, even those who were college grads, STILL voted for Moore!

    It’s time for another Transit Report. My ever-faithful Trump-supporting transit driver had this to say: he won’t last (referring to Jones). He went on to explain himself, asking those of us captive, You DO know who voted for him, right? It was the blacks and the  women! When they settle down, everything will go back to normal.

    Alrighty, then. Let’s examine this. Implicit in this is the unstated belief that the white residents of Alabama, most particularly the MEN, are the true citizens and the ones that really matter. And that what is the natural state of affairs is for African Americans and women to KNOW THEIR PLACE and let the white folks-the white MEN- decide things.

    He is a white older evangelical, btw. So not unlike those who turned in support of Roy Moore in Alabama. Like them, he is willing to embrace anyone who claims to speak for (white) Christian values wrapped in a red, white, and blue flag. No matter their character, actions, or words. If they use the right symbols and code words, basically give the correct “not-so-secret handshake and password,” then they are IN. And this seems to be a club that you join for for life. I don’t think you get thrown out. Maybe if you do something like, Idk, become an EXTREME apostate and reject Jesus in a public manner, convert to another religion or something. But there’s ALWAYS the possibility of forgiveness, b/c these people like nothing better than a repentant sinner. After all, Roy Moore came back to the Alabama Supreme Court after being removed once. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Moore. He turns up like a bad penny.

    But good for the people of Alabama. And regardless of what my transit driver believes, the African Americans ARE residents of Alabama; the younger voters ARE residents of Alabama; and angry women EVERYWHERE who are voting, running for office, and WINNING are legitimate citizens of the United States. No-one is going anywhere.

  • Another Attack By A (Christian) Troll

    Another Attack By A (Christian) Troll

    I have a profile at a dating site. I put it up in hopes that I would meet some interesting new FRIENDS, being as I live in a small town and meeting people here is difficult. In my introduction I was candid about being: ace, agender, aromantic, and atheist. Last night the last adjective proved to be too upsetting for another user, resulting in the following encounter:

    SHE initiates contact with me to say something innocuous, “heya, how are you?” I always take the time to read the profile of anyone who contacts me, and hers emphatically stated that she wished to talk to others about traveling. So I responded with a question, “I’m fine, thank you. I see your profile says that you wish to talk about traveling? So where do you wish to travel, or where have you traveled?” She responds with a long diatribe about Jesus and how she believes in God. Okkkkay, then. My usual response would be to say something snarky, but I had told myself that this week I would endeavor to be kinder and gentler to all I met. This includes Christian people who are hell-bent on saving my soul. So I replied with a polite answer and wished her a Happy Thanksgiving. She contacts me AGAIN this morning to find out why I wasn’t responding to her god-talk and then sends another message that she doesn’t find “men-looking” women attractive.  I’m beginning to lose my patience at this point. But I remember my resolution. Though I know that I am wasting my time, I do  respond, albeit still politely. I say that she has voiced her dislike of my beliefs and my appearance through more than one message now and I am frankly puzzled as to why she keeps contacting me. I am happy for her that she is saved by Jesus hopes that she has a blessed Thanksgiving. Then I blocked her.  I don’t think she realized this, for I continued to get messages from her. They went unread.

    WHY do some Christians feel entitled to engage in this behavior? And this is definitely a CHRISTIAN thing. You don’t see practitioners of ANY other religion doing this sort of thing. It irks me to no end. Not only is it highly annoying; it is presumptuous, contemptuous, and entitled. It CLEARLY says, “I know better than you do what is best for you and I am prepared to trample all over your beliefs and your rights in the name of my god.” This is what gives Christianity a bad name and a black mark in the eyes of so many non-Christians. These type of Christians don’t just do this to atheists; they’ll do this to ANYONE who doesn’t subscribe to their brand of Christianity-even other Christians. But atheists really seem to rile them, I’ll admit. We’re like a direct challenge to them, some sort of theological red flag. My life would probably be a lot easier if I would play nice, as a pastor friend of mine suggested, and start saying that I’m an agnostic. It sounds better, he says, less militant and harsh. Not so confrontative.

    I’m sorry. Let’s talk about confrontation, shall we? A CHRISTIAN shouted at me that I’m damned while I was walking to the farmers market upon merely hearing, “No, I’m an atheist, sir.” A CHRISTIAN told me to “FUCK OFF, you’re obviously not on your way to church!” while on his way to CHURCH, after I helpfully and politely informed him that he had parked his car illegally and that it would be towed. A CHRISTIAN told me that I should be DEPORTED b/c I didn’t believe in a CHRISTIAN god. And, as described above, a CHRISTIAN sought me out on a DATING SITE to revile both my beliefs and my looks. So who is seeking confrontation here? Do I knock on doors and ask, “Pardon me, have you studied the good news about critical reasoning and rationality?” Do I stand at the entrance of the farmers market and read from Darwin? Do I hand out pocket-sized editions of Richard Dawkins “The God Delusion” to be distributed by legions of middle-aged atheists and placed in motel rooms nationwide? Maybe someone needs to start doing this. IF I keep encountering Christian trolls, maybe it might be me.

  • Roy Moore Has A Great Big (Christian) Credibility Problem

    Roy Moore Has A Great Big (Christian) Credibility Problem

    Roy Moore has based his career as a politician on his self-righteous Christianity. He installed a marble statue of the 10 Commandments in his courtroom as Alabama’s Chief Justice and was removed from office when he refused to remove it. He was elected again to head the court and again removed after he directed probate judges to continue to enforce the state’s ban on same-sex marriages. He resigned and is now running for the seat vacated by Jeff Sessions. He is known for his anti-LGBTQ views, anti-Muslim and immigrant sentiments, and past ties to neo-Confederate and white nationalist groups, in addition to his loudly and oft-expressed notions about Christianity.

    He really ought to have heeded the saying about glass houses and stones. His house is shattering all about him. What remains to be seen is whether this will make any difference to his constituency: the largely evangelical Republicans in Alabama. An Alabama state official has already defended Moore from the allegations that have been made in the Washington Post stating that he engaged in what is legally sexual abuse of a minor. Around 86% of Alabama residents identify as Christians, and almost half of those say they are evangelical. According to the Pew Research Center, 70% of white evangelicals now say that a person who commits “an immoral act” can behave ethically in the public sphere (unless, of course, you are Hillary Clinton). I suppose this is part and parcel of the whole “forget everything except your personal relationship with Jesus” thing? I USED to hear  that my Christian friends  expected their politicians to live up to a certain moral standard IN ALL RESPECTS….that their personal lives should reflect their public lives.

    Now? Not so much. I hear increasingly that the ends justify the means, and if that means embracing a foul-mouthed hypocrite like DJT, then so be it. After all, god can use anyone he wants, right? But to those of us who are looking on, this smacks less of faith than of desperation at best and of venality at worst. They are throwing away their standards in pursuit of goals that will most likely never materialize. To use a reference from their own bible, DJT definitely has feet of clay! And as we are now finding out, so does Roy Moore, god’s own self-chosen one in Alabama!

  • An Extraordinary Opportunity For The Democrats

    An Extraordinary Opportunity For The Democrats

    The election of Mr. Trump (#notmypresident) offered up an extraordinary opportunity for the Democrats. He presents us with such a stark contrast of choice to offer voters. I had hopes of seeing the party I care about revitalized, reunited, and really working on a grassroots-level to once again begin reaching the people it claimed to stand for.  Now I am not sure that it will do so.  I am not a politician.  But here is what I think needs to happen for the Democratic Party to be an effective presence in people’s lives again:

    People do NOT think the Democrats (or Republicans either, really) CARE about what is happening to them. And the way to combat this is not by making calls or asking people to sign online petitions. We need to be SHOWING UP ON PEOPLE’S DOORSTEPS and TALKING TO THEM! We need to asking them, “What are the issues that truly concern you? What worries you? What do you (and not Fox News) think the government) needs to be doing? ” And we need to do this continually! Not just during an election cycle!

    If, say, the local Dems were an organization that REGULARLY (and I mean at least once per month) went door to door to residents of Washington County to inquire about their well-being and find out what we could do to help, I imagine our membership would soar. This would accomplish so much more than the phone-banks. It would help repair the damage that political parties of all stripes have inflicted on people. It would let people know that that the Democratic Party is HERE and wants to work for THEM. And even if they presented problems that sometimes had no immediate solution, we could at least listen. And that means a lot to folks in these disconnected times.

    Will anyone pay any attention to this post? Probably not. But I’ve seen this done in other places. It IS effective and it DOES work. The Democratic Party can be a vehicle for effective postive change. I wish that would happen here.

     

  • I Mourn For My Christian Friends

    I Mourn For My Christian Friends

    I noticed recently that a large marble plaque of the ten commandments (Xtian version, of course) has been posted on the main  street in my little town.  I’m sure that it is on private property but is so situated as to make it appear that it is town-sponsored. Had it just been the decalogue, I would have shrugged my shoulders and gone about my business. BUT underneath this was another marble plaque that proclaims: OUR AMERICAN HERITAGE. Ahem. I don’t THINK so. Your CHRISTIAN heritage, yes. Your JEWISH heritage, maybe, (with a different version).  But NOT American heritage. I believe that the many indigenous inhabitants of this land would beg to differ, as would those who helped build this nation and did not subscribe to Christian beliefs.

    I was on transit when I first saw this. A friend of mine happened to be with me, a retired coal miner. He remarked that HE was Christian, had been all his life, but that he found this offensive. He said, “How do you think people who come to Abingdon who are NOT Christian or not THAT type of Christian are going to feel when they see that? Not welcome or wanted, that’s how! And MY Christian faith wouldn’t think that’s a Christian thing to do!”  As a non-Christian, had I seen that coming into a town, I would have felt immediately on guard. It seems a statement of identity: this is what this place is and who fits in here. It is not welcoming, not hospitable, and not even factual. It is divisive, confrontative, and exclusive. Those who put it up might have had good intentions. But in today’s charged environment, I have to speculate that they realized what they were doing and did it intentionally. I want to believe that people listen to their better angels, as Abraham Lincoln puts it so eloquently. But I find that so often, when a test comes, when the moment of truth arrives and given the chance to do something that will make that difference, they falter and give heed instead to darker voices born from ignorance and fear instead.

    So many Christians, I know you are not this. But this IS HAPPENING HERE. I can critique this, but I can only do it from the outside. For this to stop, CHRISTIANS are going to have toaddress this. As long as this is considered acceptable behavior, it will continue. History will be re-written. Christianity will continue to morph into forms more authoritarian, shallower, and crueler than anything Jesus might have imagined. And those of us looking on from the outside can only watch and mourn and wonder how far this will go.

     

  • Time To Wake Up, Dems!

    Time To Wake Up, Dems!

    I was at a meeting of the Washington Co. Dems last night. We had MILLENIALS there! We had NEW PEOPLE there! We had CONCRETE THINGS TO DISCUSS! The  VA gubernatorial race is fast coming to a close; we are working phone-banks to update our data-base AND to get out voters for the Dems; we have candidates runnings in local races for supervisors; and Mike FREAKING Pence is coming to town to stump for the Republican candidate for governor. I mean…WE HAVE THINGS TO DO!!!

    So, after a fairly routine hour, we then spend almost THIRTY minutes discussing a Roberts Rule Of Order question concerning a quorum.  I kid you not. This was debated with great seriousness and intensity and tedious detail. The millennials departed. And let me add that while the question of the quorum was being pondered, several lists were being circulated. Because that’s how the Dems here roll-we want everyone to sign pen and paper lists. Hello, digital world? We have computers and cell phones now!  (Sorry, Michael. I know you are doing your best to drag the WaCoDems into the 21st century. ) After a few minutes I wanted to stick a sharp pen in my ear.

    But THIS sort of meeting is EXACTLY why millennials (and maybe me after the election, I’m not sure yet) aviod the local Dems like the plague. When you have obvious important events going both locally, on a state level, and nationally, and you come to a meeting of the party that is supposed to be the party of choice (else the Republicans), and you get more nattering about  rules than about what people can be DOING to affect change, then you are not going to attract people, esp. young people. I see SUCH a divide in this area among the young progressives I know and the older people in the Dems. The younger progressives are much more action-oriented and, more importantly, BELIEVE CHANGE IS POSSIBLE; the older folks I know, rightly or wrongly, are much more cautious, less confrontative (for the most part), and talk more about working within the system .

    I had thought that we needed to bring the millennials to the Dems. Pfft! I no longer think that’s a viable idea. Maybe they can stage a progressive takeover in other places. But the Dems here?  Unless something happens to wake them up, I think they are not going to get any millennials, for though there IS a strong progressive millennial presence in SWVA, as evidenced by organizations like Bristol Indivisible, VA Organizing, the younger members of APEC, YAP, and others, the Washington County Dems are doing a VERY effective job of alienating them, hearts and minds. Keep up the good work! (I say that sardonically, of course.)

  • Stop Saying “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”

    Stop Saying “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”

    I recently had this exchange with a gun-rights person on FB. I’m very tired of hearing the “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people!” retort. That isn’t correct. People WITH GUNS kill people. And often, it followed by a false equivalency: people kill people with knives, too! You want to ban butter knives? Grrr….

    While I hold far more radical views on guns in society than most (see my earlier blog), I want to point out that there is reasonable legislation that has been rescinded by Trump (#NotMyPresident) (H.J. Res 40) which would have made background checks for those with mental illnesses more neccessary. In keeping with the gun-friendly era of Trump, Congress was in the process of passing a bill  (the Sportmen’s Heritage and Recreational Enhancement Act) that would allow, among other things, the loosening of restrictions on transporting firearms across state lines, the classification of types of ammunition desgnated as “armor-piercing”, and the treatment of silencers as the equal to firearms, requiring only a fedral back-ground check. (The bill has not yet come to the floor in light of the Las Vegas shooting but still might later.)

    The point  I am trying to make is that gun-control laws do NOT attempt to ban all weapons, nor are law makers coming for your guns. (Let me point out to you that Obama was in office for TWO entire terms and never did he nor any federal agents come after your guns! This being said for the benefit of those of you who just knew that such would happen!) But there are some things that need to happen. Assault weapons do NOT need to be available to individuals. (If you read this and disagree, I invite you to leave a comment explaining to me WHY someone needs an assault rifle.) Everyone needs a background check, regardless of where and from whom they buy their weapon. And surely there needs to a limit on the number of weapons one person can own.

  • Trump’s Response On Las Vegas Vs Puerto Rico

    Trump’s Response On Las Vegas Vs Puerto Rico

    I just finished watched Trump’s (#NotMyPresident) remarks on the the Las Vegas shooting. While I do not mean to diminish the depth of this tragedy in any way, I could help but compare his response to it to his response to the ongoing suffering in Puerto Rico. Trump was immediately on-cue and is visiting Las Vegas Wednesday, only two days after the shooting occurred. He has YET to visit Puerto Rico, though he is supposed to do so Tuesday. (We’ll see if this actually takes place.) Maria struck the island NINE days ago. Part of me cynically wonders if this has to do with the fact that the shooting in Las Vegas struck more at people who might be Trump’s people: it was a country music concert, so chances are the concert-goers were more than likely white. I haven’t seen anything about this, mind you. Whereas Puerto Rico is filled with….you know, nonwhite people. The type of people Trump likes to call names and ban from the country. Just one step up from “rapists and drug lords.” Probably bad hombres.

    Mass shootings are getting deadlier. The shooters have access to weapons that will cause more harm. (Thank you, NRA!) Usually, when the gunman is white, he is said to be a “lone wolf” and often found to have mental problems. But let the gunman be Muslim or African American, and -viola- you have a terrorist attack! Interesting, that double standard there.

    I don’t really have a firm end point here. Just something to think about.

  • Why I Resist

    Why I Resist

    Recently I’ve been asked why I fight the battles I do-against hatred, bigotry, separation of church and state, and Trump (#NotMyPrez) &Co. Friends worry about my safety. I’ve been pondering this. Here is my reply:

    A little of my history. I was a child during the 60s. I saw first-hand that people CAN make a difference, should they choose to do so. I heard the stirring words of Martin Luther King and saw the dismantling of the Jim Crow South (to some effect). I watched the anti-war protests, met some who protested, and saw the U.S. end its participation in the Vietnam War. My father was involved in local politics (Democratic Party) and I often attended rallies and other events at his side. I witnessed the Klan holding a march in full regalia. I heard stories from relatives about the horrors of Nazi Germany AND the pogroms in Russia, and studied this in-depth as an undergrad. Over and over again I heard the stirring words, “Silence=Death”, “Never Again”, and the words of Edmund Burke,” The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.” And the words of Hillel from which the name of this blog is taken: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am not for others, who am I? And if not now, when?”

    So, the recent debacle of a presidential election and the ensuing presidency of Trump made me become even more committed to action. It was MY generation that brought the country to this point and MY generation that elected this man. I feel a deep sense of shame and responsibilty. Though I did not vote for him, nonetheless he was elected. Thankfully, millennials now outnumber boomers. But I firmly believe that that those of us who are older need to strive to all that we can to help those who will inherit the chaotic disarranged morass that this country has become.

    On a personal, individual, and local level, another quote keeps coming to mind. It is one from Gandhi: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” I do not believe that I can change the world, nor do I have the hubris to wish to do such a vast undertaking. What I CAN do, however, is by my example and actions try to make the community in which I dwell a better place. My openness about who I am and what I espouse has been a carefully calculated campaign to let people here see someone is not of their tribe, who is all the things they hear demonized on Fox and other places, who yet is also a kind and compassionate person. I want them to think when they hear heinous  words about atheists, Jews, LGBTQ folk, or progressives, “They’re talking about Kel,” a person who helps people with their groceries, pays their transit fare, inquires about them and their familes and not some anonymous stranger. I hope that by giving them a face to put on all of these things it will make it harder for them to give accedence to hate.

    In addition, I have the capability and will to fight against the wrongs I encounter. I can and will go after the creep of religion that is discriminatory against anyone who is not a (conservative) Christian here and that violates the 1st Amendment. I will make regular frequent calls to my Congress Representative and Senators on behalf of heathcare, immigrants, the LGBTQ community, the influence of big money in politics. I will sign petitions and disseminate pertinent information on social media. I will continue to push back against actual “fake news” and push for evidence-based journalism, science and policies. And most importantly I will show up as a citizen and witness-participant at local organizations and events that foster these same things. I VOTE!

    These things may indeed make it more difficult for me as an individual. Certainly in the short term during the reign of 45 and perhaps even long-term. I’ve encountered opprobrium and invective, more so after the election. But despite that, I hope that my actions will make it easier for others in the future. I fight so that my community will be better. I fight b/c I have faith in the ability of humans to change. I fight b/c it is the right thing to do.

    Thanks to all who read this. I close with a song that I’ve been listening to more and more often.