this happens at any age
some do not live to be older
you lift a cup to your mouth
but it is now filled with these
a jagged brown capybara tooth
your grandmother’s pocket knife
an arcade token for the pinball machine
a handkerchief that still smells of pomade
you pour them out onto the table
run the memories through your fingers
then realize you’ve been lost in time
your hands are wet with tea
your face wet with tears
the sound of the falling rain
washes through the night
darkness moved upon my skin
quick as the eyes of the birds that waited
perched above me in the dripping trees
fluid as the fast moving snakes that swam
to keep me company in the estuarial brine
I left my childhood on those banks
draped careless as a wornout shirt
then walked away with this unseen coating
that called out wherever I lived
the rich soil of the Delta answered
by offering the hardworn notes of the blues
those sank into my veins along with Sh’ma Yisroel
that hung in air like candle flame in the hot humid night
the mountains also gave their response
skies so lowering and gray with rain
like night itself had come to drench me with bits of coal
grimed this textured tattoo
with the wail of a fiddle wrapped around it
barbed and rusty as old fence wire
older now I wonder what next
my adamantine sediment will attract
some silver flecks to shine like laughter
some precious gems to recall love
when the ground shakes in these uncertain times
when the house no longer shelters from the moment’s storms
when the heart breaks from all it’s asked to carry
when tears fall faster than the flooding rain
I would hold you
enfolded in the expanse of silent regard
with spacious kindness for your grief
be a staff in the fog that surrounds the day
a gentle warmth in night’s unseasonable chill
I have mourned so many deaths and died so many times
that this is now familiar space
no presumption to guide, no offer but this
walk beside you at your own pace
when the simple acts of joy
the sharing of music
the announcement for a party
the laughter over a silly joke
these have become rebellious acts
transgressions
we ourselves have become the violation
breaking the acceptable boundaries
by doing nothing else than exist
and then to be seen finding any happiness
though it be taken from the slavering maw
of unreasoning hate
is met with rage at the sheer effrontery
this is our fierce defiance
that we go about our everyday lives
in one vibrating string hear every song you’ve ever heard
a first tune softly hummed before you were born
cryptic whimsy chanted when children play
a deepening dip and soar as love makes its trek through time
dolorous somber tones marking the shock of loss and death
a wavering catch and wail for any lonesome season
the unaccompanied steady beat beat beat
when your heart fills the silent hour
these all forever there-heard or not, it does not matter
in the movement of that singular string, you can sit within each moment
within that stillness that underlies
every shaping sound, each noting measure
and do nothing then but rest
a stone picked up on a walk
gravelled bit torn from pavement
common industrial dirt
if I throw it into the waterlogged ditch
what stories will leach into the weeds
traveled myths rumbled from trucks
tarsid dreams wiped by ants
childhood memories slicked from my hand
or will it sink to the bottom, at home in the tangled slime
not needing to do anything at all
let me be like that rock
existence itself diaphanous as a fine scarf
found in an ancient trunk stored in some attic
translucent as silk passed down through generations
memento from a faraway war, gift for someone long forgotten
knowledge made fragile now by weighted time
one light breath can cause any fray to part
one wept tear can rupture all the threads
pieces falling as gently as life’s joys and sorrows
a heartbreak, a whispered hope, a last daring dream
I hold the beauty of your smile
cupped in my hand, a glowing light
take it gently into the evening hour
when the sun begins to fade
there under the branches of a leafless tree
I open my fingers to allow it flight
this other spark of love
it flickers upwards into the sky
joining all that star the night
the kind gazes, the unexpected generous words,
the endless compassionate acts
thought I would walk to the grocery
the one down the road in the little white building
might or might not be owned by a cousin
he claimed to be and had the same name
doesn’t mean much when you’re in the Deep south
didn’t know I’d be walking forever
all older now and slowing down
oyster shell pavement still rough of an evening
but where else to buy butter in this small town
and a can of Rotel spicy of course
weekend’s coming so cheese grits
with hot hot tomato gravy
first you make the roux…
what do we breathe like water
gulp down like air
plunging through catchless sky and seamless waves
tossed without ceasing by riptides and wind
each day each moment brings its own weather
each morning we begin again
learn to ride the hidden currents
learn not to throw ourselves against the clouds
or not, and arrive at night
drenched and bruised by endless falls
