Category: Uncategorized

  • Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants

    I recently learned that I have microscopic colitis, specifically collagenous colitis. Upon doing some research into the subject, it seems that SSRIs and SNRIs might aggravate and possible even be a causative factor of this inflammatory bowel disease. Over the years I have taken SSRIs and SNRIs to help combat depression, with the SNRIs proving most effective, along with the atypical Remeron. Right now I’m on a relatively low dose of Cymbalta. I think it helps with my mood but wouldn’t be enough by itself to stop me from descending into the stygian depths. But it does double-duty, helping with the muscle and joint pains of fibromyalgia. And it does these things very effectively, with little side effects. To keep me stable and from severe depression, I rely upon Remeron, an atypical anti-depressant. This helps me sleep and provides the heavy duty lift that Cymbalta can’t. I ‘ve been on it for several years and keep my fingers crossed that it will continue to work, b/c it is THE “go-to” medication for severe and recalcitrant depression, which mine was. This regimen is my maintenance and my lifeline. I remember what life used to be before I found meds that worked, and it was literally a life not worth living. Every day I wanted to die. I would have killed myself, but that required more effort that I could muster, one, and two, I felt sure that I was so stupid I would bungle the job and be left in a state even worse than the one I was currently in. This was despite the efforts of excellent psychiatrists (back when psychiatrists still did therapy) and eventually even ECT. The ECT made me forget for a while, but the depression returned again and again. I was put on a stronger drug regimen, had hospitalizations, felt hopeless. Then something changed. Perhaps it was the right combination of meds, I don’t know. For the first time in my life, color appeared. Where the world had been only hues of gray, I started to notice small details, like red birds in the trees, the taste of food, and the love of my dog (actually a big thing). I got a new psychiatrist (old-school) who listened to me, knew her meds, and gradually helped me reduce the number of psych meds I was I was on. I saw a difference at work-I actually talked to my colleagues now, rather than going immediately into the stacks as had been my wont. I started being more social (on the internet) and going to the local farmers market, out to dinner, and attending fests and plays . In short, I gained a life.

    This is the reason why, even should my gastroenterologist tell conclusively that I need to discontinue the Cymbalta, that I would tell him no. I would rather deal with symptoms of a physical illness any day than return to the devastating effects of depression. I’m doing, to use the words of Peter D. Kramer, “ordinarily well” and am stable, functioning at a high degree (except for the colitis), and want to keep it that way. So no tinkering with my psych meds!

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants
  • Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants

    I recently learned that I have microscopic colitis, specifically collagenous colitis. Upon doing some research into the subject, it seems that SSRIs and SNRIs might aggravate and possible even be a causative factor of this inflammatory bowel disease. Over the years I have taken SSRIs and SNRIs to help combat depression, with the SNRIs proving most effective, along with the atypical Remeron. Right now I’m on a relatively low dose of Cymbalta. I think it helps with my mood but wouldn’t be enough by itself to stop me from descending into the stygian depths. But it does double-duty, helping with the muscle and joint pains of fibromyalgia. And it does these things very effectively, with little side effects. To keep me stable and from severe depression, I rely upon Remeron, an atypical anti-depressant. This helps me sleep and provides the heavy duty lift that Cymbalta can’t. I ‘ve been on it for several years and keep my fingers crossed that it will continue to work, b/c it is THE “go-to” medication for severe and recalcitrant depression, which mine was. This regimen is my maintenance and my lifeline. I remember what life used to be before I found meds that worked, and it was literally a life not worth living. Every day I wanted to die. I would have killed myself, but that required more effort that I could muster, one, and two, I felt sure that I was so stupid I would bungle the job and be left in a state even worse than the one I was currently in. This was despite the efforts of excellent psychiatrists (back when psychiatrists still did therapy) and eventually even ECT. The ECT made me forget for a while, but the depression returned again and again. I was put on a stronger drug regimen, had hospitalizations, felt hopeless. Then something changed. Perhaps it was the right combination of meds, I don’t know. For the first time in my life, color appeared. Where the world had been only hues of gray, I started to notice small details, like red birds in the trees, the taste of food, and the love of my dog (actually a big thing). I got a new psychiatrist (old-school) who listened to me, knew her meds, and gradually helped me reduce the number of psych meds I was I was on. I saw a difference at work-I actually talked to my colleagues now, rather than going immediately into the stacks as had been my wont. I started being more social (on the internet) and going to the local farmers market, out to dinner, and attending fests and plays . In short, I gained a life.

    This is the reason why, even should my gastroenterologist tell conclusively that I need to discontinue the Cymbalta, that I would tell him no. I would rather deal with symptoms of a physical illness any day than return to the devastating effects of depression. I’m doing, to use the words of Peter D. Kramer, “ordinarily well” and am stable, functioning at a high degree (except for the colitis), and want to keep it that way. So no tinkering with my psych meds!

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants
  • Abibliophobia

    Yes, I confess to suffering from a severe and longstanding fear of RUNNING OUT OF BOOKS TO READ! I do not like ebooks; they do not satisfy my addiction to book dust, provide the visceral touch I require when turning pages, or have the needed heft to fill my book bag. No, I require print books, preferably hardbound, to fuel my desires. Nothing better on a Sunday morning than a good cup of tea, a warm whippet, and contemplating a nice stack of books to decide which to crack open next….

    When you see me out n about, I ALWAYS have a book in hand. Like you see kids with their phones? That’s me, only I’ve got a book. I started reading when I was three. ( I grew up in an academic household.)  From all accounts, I moved on to the hard stuff quickly and was reading my way through encyclopediae quickly. I remember getting my library card and the fight that I had to put up to be allowed to read adult books, even thought I presented the library with a letter from my parents stating I should be allowed access to anything I desired. I got a library card to the local college library, courtesy of an uncle who was a microbiologist prof, and what a joy that proved!

    So, now I’ve had to give up my job as a feral librarian due to some ongoing health concerns. This will cut off my supply. Sure, I can still go to library as a patron. But I won’t be there as part of the pipeline anymore. PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! Also, no-one besides other librarians get my jokes that are Dewey Decimal System-based! I am seriously disturbed about this. Enough so that I am folding up habitation and saying fare-thee-well to my cool small town. No job, no reason to stay here. More on this later.

  • Immigration

    So, I did some research and found that the oft-repeated assertion that illegal immigrants get benefits such as free healthcare and other things while paying nothing into the system via taxes is a myth. The Institute For Taxation And Economic Policy (ITEP) estimates that undocumented immigrants were responsible for 10.6 BILLION in state and local taxes in 2010, and the Social Security Administration reports they paid 13 billion into the Social Security Trust Fund (which will never benefit them) via payroll taxes. I am sure these numbers have only increased since then. They are not eligible for any state or federal benefit program, though their children born in this country are. The jobs many do, at least in the case of the Mexicans, are usually in the service industry and not ones competed for by native-born Americans. Studies show that cities with a large number of immigrants experience a general wage INCREASE for all, regardless of job. And foreign workers in the STEM (science, technology, engineering, mechanics) industry are increasingly vital as the number of US graduates in these fields decline.
    Source: THE US CHAMBER OF COMMERCE uschamber.com
    That’s my factual portion. Now for the personal. I’ve heard some very racist remarks directed at both Mexicans and Muslims. I’ll address the ones about Mexicans first. Most of the Mexicans I have seen are poor. Most seem to be hard-working. Many speak Spanish. I’m getting really tired of hearing “You’re in America, speak English!” If they know enough English to communicate, that’s fine. I don’t think they are expecting US to learn Spanish. Their children will learn English in school. If they want to continue to use Spanish amongst themselves, why not? But to hear them talked about the way I heard African Americans talked about as a child growing up in Mississippi fills me with a most nasty sense of deja vu. In some parts of the country “dirty Mexican” has become the new “nigger”, and that should not be tolerated.
    Now, as to the Muslims. I’ve seen and heard comments that no Muslims should allowed into the country, that Muslims should be thrown out, etc. This is as absurd as saying “All Christians think homosexuals should be killed,” because one extremist group happens to think so. MUSLIMS ARE NOT THE ENEMY. Too many people have this idea that any Muslim is some crazy who  is going to bomb something, shoot someone or want impose Sharia law on everyone. This is NOT the case. Most Muslims who come here are peaceful, want to live a good life in their own way, and are not anymore prone to violence than you or I. Are there extremists? Yes, but those can be found in ANY religious group. They are crazy Christians ( the Westboro Baptists, Christ Identity movement), crazy Jews (Lev Tahor), crazy Hindus (Saffron Terror) and I’m sure other religions produce their own varieties of nutjobs as well. No other than Thomas Jefferson, one of the Founding Fathers, campaigned for “the rights of the Mahamdan, the Jew, and the pagan.” Just because a person who is Muslim carries out a mass shooting doesn’t mean we should blame Muslims or Islam. Did we blame Christians or Christianity for the Oregon hostage situation? (Answer: no.) Most mass shooting and acts of violence in the US have been done by non-Muslims-statistically by those identifying as CHRISTIANS, yet we continue to stigmatize Muslims. MUSLIM does not equal TERRORIST. (And, lest you accuse me of not having any personal acquaintance, I have several good friends who are Muslim and have visited mosques.)