Flowers stand on my table in a slender jar, a gift.

I remove the petals one by one and hold them.

I softly breathe and send them adrift to the floor.

I lie down in their midst and place two upon my closed eyes.

I do not want visions, only to remember our visit.

I smile.

What a wonderful thing it is to find a friend.

I never wanted you here.

I didn’t want to see your hand

Rest tenderly on the flowers you grew.

I didn’t want to see your eyes

Fill with delight at a bird on the windowsill.

I didn’t want to hear your voice

Call my name in the sleepy morning.

I didn’t want to hear your laugh

Ring with joy at a unexpected kiss.

I didn’t want you moving into my heart

And making it your home.

I didn’t want you; no, not at all.

I shall miss you every moment.

I didn’t want you. I didn’t.

This night you are not here

And so I cannot see the moon or stars

They existed only as reflections in your eyes

This night you are not here

And so I will not dream dreams

They visited only with you beside me

I stare blindly into the immense solitude

In hopes that you, anyone, or even the abyss stares back

But this night you are not here

And so I am alone

This night a presage of all further nights