Hallway to Nowhere

  • Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants

    Why I Won’t Change My Anti-Depressants

    I recently learned that I have microscopic colitis, specifically collagenous colitis. Upon doing some research into the subject, it seems that SSRIs and SNRIs might aggravate and possible even be a causative factor of this inflammatory bowel disease. Over the years I have taken SSRIs and SNRIs to help combat depression, with the SNRIs proving most effective, along with the atypical Remeron. Right now I’m on a relatively low dose of Cymbalta. I think it helps with my mood but wouldn’t be enough by itself to stop me from descending into the stygian depths. But it does double-duty, helping with the muscle and joint pains of fibromyalgia. And it does these things very effectively, with little side effects. To keep me stable and from severe depression, I rely upon Remeron, an atypical anti-depressant. This helps me sleep and provides the heavy duty lift that Cymbalta can’t. I ‘ve been on it for several years and keep my fingers crossed that it will continue to work, b/c it is THE “go-to” medication for severe and recalcitrant depression, which mine was. This regimen is my maintenance and my lifeline. I remember what life used to be before I found meds that worked, and it was literally a life not worth living. Every day I wanted to die. I would have killed myself, but that required more effort that I could muster, one, and two, I felt sure that I was so stupid I would bungle the job and be left in a state even worse than the one I was currently in. This was despite the efforts of excellent psychiatrists (back when psychiatrists still did therapy) and eventually even ECT. The ECT made me forget for a while, but the depression returned again and again. I was put on a stronger drug regimen, had hospitalizations, felt hopeless. Then something changed. Perhaps it was the right combination of meds, I don’t know. For the first time in my life, color appeared. Where the world had been only hues of gray, I started to notice small details, like red birds in the trees, the taste of food, and the love of my dog (actually a big thing). I got a new psychiatrist (old-school) who listened to me, knew her meds, and gradually helped me reduce the number of psych meds I was I was on. I saw a difference at work-I actually talked to my colleagues now, rather than going immediately into the stacks as had been my wont. I started being more social (on the internet) and going to the local farmers market, out to dinner, and attending fests and plays . In short, I gained a life.

    This is the reason why, even should my gastroenterologist tell conclusively that I need to discontinue the Cymbalta, that I would tell him no. I would rather deal with symptoms of a physical illness any day than return to the devastating effects of depression. I’m doing, to use the words of Peter D. Kramer, “ordinarily well” and am stable, functioning at a high degree (except for the colitis), and want to keep it that way. So no tinkering with my psych meds!

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Ordinarily Well: The Case For Anti-Depressants By Peter D. Kramer-A Review

    Ordinarily Well: The Case For Anti-Depressants By Peter D. Kramer-A Review

    Let me say first of all that I came to this book predisposed to like it. I had read Kramer’s earlier books on depression (Listening to Prozac, Against Depression) and enjoyed them  a great deal. I’m aware that there has been a controversy concerning the use of anti-depressants and their efficacy so was pleased when I found this book. In the interest of transparency, I have a personal reason for advocacy of this book, for I have a long history with depression. I’ve got reason to know that anti-depressants can be just as efficacious and life-saving as Kramer says. They have indeed made me “ordinarily well”, a person who can function in the world. Before I found the one that worked, I was immobilized by anxiety and the kind of depression that cripples a person. I regarded existence as a burden, longed to die, but was so immobilized and enervated that I lacked the energy to do anything about it. The right anti-depressant and a good psychiatrist changed that. And after several good years on the right medication, I can say that I have found I am more resilient, that I can face even potentially devastating news with a measure of equanimity,  and that I can finally say “I enjoy living.” In Kramer’s new book, he makes the case that anti-depressants ARE effective, that they have the research behind them to back this up, and they function as what he calls “co-therapists.”  He cites study after study and backs up his claims with evidence. There IS reason to be wary of Big Pharma where psych drugs are concerned, but anti-depressants just might be one of their biggest successes. Don’t stop taking your anti-depressants! If you want to know WHY NOT, read this book!

  • Ordinarily Well: The Case For Anti-Depressants By Peter D. Kramer-A Review

    Ordinarily Well: The Case For Anti-Depressants By Peter D. Kramer-A Review

    Let me say first of all that I came to this book predisposed to like it. I had read Kramer’s earlier books on depression (Listening to Prozac, Against Depression) and enjoyed them  a great deal. I’m aware that there has been a controversy concerning the use of anti-depressants and their efficacy so was pleased when I found this book. In the interest of transparency, I have a personal reason for advocacy of this book, for I have a long history with depression. I’ve got reason to know that anti-depressants can be just as efficacious and life-saving as Kramer says. They have indeed made me “ordinarily well”, a person who can function in the world. Before I found the one that worked, I was immobilized by anxiety and the kind of depression that cripples a person. I regarded existence as a burden, longed to die, but was so immobilized and enervated that I lacked the energy to do anything about it. The right anti-depressant and a good psychiatrist changed that. And after several good years on the right medication, I can say that I have found I am more resilient, that I can face even potentially devastating news with a measure of equanimity,  and that I can finally say “I enjoy living.” In Kramer’s new book, he makes the case that anti-depressants ARE effective, that they have the research behind them to back this up, and they function as what he calls “co-therapists.”  He cites study after study and backs up his claims with evidence. There IS reason to be wary of Big Pharma where psych drugs are concerned, but anti-depressants just might be one of their biggest successes. Don’t stop taking your anti-depressants! If you want to know WHY NOT, read this book!

  • I Will Send Rain By Rae Meadows-A Review

    I Will Send Rain By Rae Meadows-A Review

    If you don’t know what “dust pneumonia” is, you need to read this novel by Rae Meadows. She writes with such grace that she breathes color into a  1930s landscape that very likely had  little in reality. Set in Mulehead, Oklahoma, the novel tells the story of Annie Bell in unsparing and relatively unsentimental detail but with such deftness that you can taste the grit of the dust that storms through the town and plagues the citizens as they depart one by one. She writes with a tenderness that lays her characters bare, so that the book is free of the cloying element that often accompanies historical fiction. I devoted an entire rainy evening to this book and enjoyed it very much, to my surprise. Not my usual read, but there you go. Books, like life, have a disconcerting way of surprising you, and that is one of the many reasons I love them!

  • I Will Send Rain By Rae Meadows-A Review

    I Will Send Rain By Rae Meadows-A Review

    If you don’t know what “dust pneumonia” is, you need to read this novel by Rae Meadows. She writes with such grace that she breathes color into a  1930s landscape that very likely had  little in reality. Set in Mulehead, Oklahoma, the novel tells the story of Annie Bell in unsparing and relatively unsentimental detail but with such deftness that you can taste the grit of the dust that storms through the town and plagues the citizens as they depart one by one. She writes with a tenderness that lays her characters bare, so that the book is free of the cloying element that often accompanies historical fiction. I devoted an entire rainy evening to this book and enjoyed it very much, to my surprise. Not my usual read, but there you go. Books, like life, have a disconcerting way of surprising you, and that is one of the many reasons I love them!

  • City Of Mirrors By Justin Cronin-A Review

    City Of Mirrors By Justin Cronin-A Review

    In City Of Mirrors, Justin Cronin brings to an end his Passage trilogy. I am a lover of apocalyptic literature (note to self-google to see if there is a term for this), and have followed this trilogy with some interest. The writing is decent; the characters, well-fleshed (no zombies eating them ,lol), and the plots not too romance-driven, always a plus to my aromantic mind. I was waiting to see would the world survive, or at least a remnant of the U. S. population. As is my practice, I’m not going to spoil the plot with publishing any details-you want to know, you’ll have to read the book yourself! Though not so hackneyed an author as to offer a grand showdown between the forces of good and evil, Cronin does skirt the edges of this just a little too closely for my taste, but you will  not doubt think I have a jaundiced eye. And the ending made me want to gnash my teeth and fling the book across the room, as it was so CLEARLY a set-up for the start of a new series. Please, could you not be so transparent? Have a little respect! We’re loyal readers but have our limits!

  • City Of Mirrors By Justin Cronin-A Review

    City Of Mirrors By Justin Cronin-A Review

    In City Of Mirrors, Justin Cronin brings to an end his Passage trilogy. I am a lover of apocalyptic literature (note to self-google to see if there is a term for this), and have followed this trilogy with some interest. The writing is decent; the characters, well-fleshed (no zombies eating them ,lol), and the plots not too romance-driven, always a plus to my aromantic mind. I was waiting to see would the world survive, or at least a remnant of the U. S. population. As is my practice, I’m not going to spoil the plot with publishing any details-you want to know, you’ll have to read the book yourself! Though not so hackneyed an author as to offer a grand showdown between the forces of good and evil, Cronin does skirt the edges of this just a little too closely for my taste, but you will  not doubt think I have a jaundiced eye. And the ending made me want to gnash my teeth and fling the book across the room, as it was so CLEARLY a set-up for the start of a new series. Please, could you not be so transparent? Have a little respect! We’re loyal readers but have our limits!

  • Hillbilly Elegy By J.D. Vance-A Review

    Hillbilly Elegy By J.D. Vance-A Review

    Back to books, after a hiatus! I think that Hillbilly Elegy has garnered the amount of attention it has by seeming to offer insight on the demographic that might elect (shudder) Trump as POTUS. I confess that I read the book with some anticipation of finding a fresh perspective on an Appalachian connection, seeing as how I’ve lived in this region for almost twenty odd (in all senses of the word) years now. I was disappointed. Vance serves up the the usual fare I’ve come to expect from Appallit-there’s drinking, drug addiction, and violence aplenty, down to the almost stereotypical gun-toting “Mamaw,” but in the end he offers no fresh perspective on the the people he writes almost cruelly about, unless it that’s there’s little hope to be found among them. I HAVE been reading Appalachian authors for awhile now, and they do tend to a grim, dark, and cheerless worldview. Hillbilly Elegy, though a memoir, certainly follows that same tradition. So, here’s my take: this is a matter of the fortuitous book: Vance published  the right book at the right time. It’s not a BAD book, but it’s certainly not a GREAT one. You want to read really GREAT Appallit, try Ron Rash.

     

  • Hillbilly Elegy By J.D. Vance-A Review

    Hillbilly Elegy By J.D. Vance-A Review

    Back to books, after a hiatus! I think that Hillbilly Elegy has garnered the amount of attention it has by seeming to offer insight on the demographic that might elect (shudder) Trump as POTUS. I confess that I read the book with some anticipation of finding a fresh perspective on an Appalachian connection, seeing as how I’ve lived in this region for almost twenty odd (in all senses of the word) years now. I was disappointed. Vance serves up the the usual fare I’ve come to expect from Appallit-there’s drinking, drug addiction, and violence aplenty, down to the almost stereotypical gun-toting “Mamaw,” but in the end he offers no fresh perspective on the the people he writes almost cruelly about, unless it that’s there’s little hope to be found among them. I HAVE been reading Appalachian authors for awhile now, and they do tend to a grim, dark, and cheerless worldview. Hillbilly Elegy, though a memoir, certainly follows that same tradition. So, here’s my take: this is a matter of the fortuitous book: Vance published  the right book at the right time. It’s not a BAD book, but it’s certainly not a GREAT one. You want to read really GREAT Appallit, try Ron Rash.

     

  • Shame On KY Gov. Matt Bevin!

    Shame On KY Gov. Matt Bevin!

    Last weekend at the Values Voters Summit, a meeting of far-right leaders, KY Governor Matt Bevin suggested that the election of Hillary Clinton would be the occasion for bloodshed. He specified that this would be blood of the tyrants and the patriots but worried that the ensuing conflict could even engulf his nine children, perhaps even his grandchildren. Now, this kind of alarmist rhetoric is nothing new from the alt-right. They preach Armageddon regularly, repetitively, and at tiresome length. But Gov. Bevin is an elected sitting official of the state of Kentucky, and as such, should not be blathering this tripe. Bad enough we get overblown nonsense from candidates running for the Presidency. On the campaign trail, especially THIS campaign trail, I’ve almost gotten used to a certain tabloid-like style, as candidates tweet their way across the landscape. But I still expect (unfairly? unlikely?) a modicum of common sense and judgement from those holding office. DON’T DO STUPID SILLY SHIT like calling for Hillary’s blood! It just makes you look crazy or deluded or LIKE YOU SHOULDN’T BE IN OFFICE IN THE FIRST PLACE. Sigh.