Hallway to Nowhere

Tag: disability

  • Life As It Is (Poem For An Aging Dog)

    We grow older together, you and I.

    Our gait has slowed,

    And hills are harder to climb.

    But we still dance in sometimes wild abandon;

    You can manage occasional astounding leaps.

    We spend our days quietly now,

    With me at my writing or with a book,

    You always at my side.

    I know that when I do go out,

    You worry and fret more,

    So that we are both relieved when I return.

    Always, always in my heart

    Is the knowledge that you are aging faster.

    I try to fill our time remaining

    With all the love and gratitude I can give.

    You have made life beautiful and wonderful and joyful

    In ways I never anticipated.

    Thank you, my beloved companion.

  • Invisible Disabilities

    When you’ve lived with any sort of neuro or mental health diagnosis, you start to really question your perception of things and second, third, and fourth guess yourself. At least I do. I ask myself, “Am I seeing this clearly? How much is depression talking? Is this a medication reaction? Did I forget something important b/c of a seizure?” Life gets complicated. I have to remind myself that I DO have several disabilities that I cope with fairly well that others don’t see. They are invisible but nevertheless very real. But b/c maybe I do manage, I feel like I expect myself to function like I’m normal, i.e., don’t have these things, and thereby others act as if I am also.

    I’m not, okay? I’m not okay. I function WHILE depressed. I function WHILE having seizures. I function while having migraines. I function WHILE having occasional bouts of neuropathic pain that are excruciating. I function WHILE having Stage 1 Chronic Kidney Disease. I function while having debilitating fatigue of unknown origin. I function well sometimes. And sometimes I crash.

    So. I really want to do a better job here for myself. I want to continue to do my tasks, b/c I believe in the causes for which I’ve signed up. But I also need to realize that I need to ask for help when I can use it; space when I’m being crowded; time when I’m being pushed; and to know when I’ve reached my limits. This does not seem like an unreasonable agenda, but it is not an easy one when every day get filled so quickly. Sigh. Time to write another MEMO TO SELF and post it PROMINENTLY.