let it remain at half-mast until
the ragged stars make room for a rainbow
a recognition that all have a place
the brutal stripes soften in welcome
to no longer resemble harsh prison bars
let the colors run until they resemble tears
so that we can finally release our grief
know that we are safe to cry and then to rise
to build ourselves a home
I hold you more dear than myself
closer in the night cradled so gently
my heart become a feathered bird
able to fly in sun-filled dreams
laughter filling my days
so that I open the door to joyous greeting
having been guided home by your smile
and no waves of sorrow no rainfall of tears
will ever be strong enough to wash these away
your love a steady comfort
your memory a precious gift
I sit on the side of the road
holding the hand of a small child of grief
he rocks besides me disconsolate and starving
I give him water drawn from tears
and food pulled from rocky hardship
to feed him with what he’s known
were I to offer the radiant fruit of jewel trees
that shelter us both from the burning sun
he would die from shock
there is no city where I’ve loved you more
there is only this room this one room
where I never held you at night
never watched you stretch your elegant limbs
never heard you at the door waiting
and yet you walk beside me down every street
knowing that strangers pause at your beauty
ready to comment on your striking eyes
throwing compliments down around you
as you move through these with dainty mien
I follow with a foolish contented smile
my heart tethered firmly as you lead
I often feel made of grief
a container for the world’s tears
the mourning that runs wild
at the first realization of loss
I accepted this task early
designed my shell for this job
a fragile human carapace
with sharp humor for protection
and laughter threaded through
for this absurd reason I was born
for this absurd reason I did not die
for this absurd reason I exist
to mourn for a land not mine
a place I’ve never called home
with ways and customs strange
words that never fit my mouth
and not this place alone
but every place I’ve been
not ever mine but a stranger there
and somehow invited in
I grieve for the loss of welcome
the hearth’s warmth once freely shared
none of us are from here
yet we breathe common air
if we hold too fast to fences
turn all to enemies on the other side
we’ll die alone and friendless
with no one even to close our eyes
once I thought to offer you the stars
cupped in my hands so they glowed like fireflies
I saw them reflected in the glints of your eyes
I found instead I had handfuls of tears
flowing through my fingers like dirty rain
they were mine and you were gone
I flung them to the sky
streaky rivulets that obscured the lights
only briefly then dried to fall again as salt
and I remembered the waves washing against the beach
the air warmed by the summer sun
the endless blue expanse of sky
the broken thermostat the latest shooting
the radishes found forgotten in the bin
the shattered bowl the burning oceans
the mass graves discovered in a construction dig
so much too much this world this world
when all I want
is to see your face once again to rest in your smile
when a desperate hand reaches out
from underneath the rubble
when it is covered with blood
and finds only hostile air to grasp
what comfort the reason for such destruction
the dust-filled sky the awful silence
the occasional lightning strikes of grief
torn from throats raw beyond measure
what matter now the distant machinations
each of us knows the pain of loss
each of us knows the sorrow
how then do we walk away from this suffering
our own house in ruins
our own bodies wounded and broken
our own voices scraped by tears
unnoticed as dirty smoke
it crawls into the present crevices
then you begin to choke
on all the burning excuses from the past
the skeletal bones of love and the wasted lives
dug up and used as fuel
for others’ urgent desperate needs
and so the cycle continues
