Hallway to Nowhere

Category: poems

  • Another Food-related Rant

    This one has to do with Simple Truth products, marketed by Krogers. I suppose the Simple Truth PRODUCE is edible (and maybe some of the canned beans, Idk), since I would (usually) recommend organic. However, I say ALWAYS buy LOCALLY grown fruits and vegetables from your farmer’s market, if these are available. I’m going to take a leap of faith here and assume that YOUR farmers will have the same high standards that OUR local farmers do and grow organic, most of ’em. Anyway, back to the subject at hand.

    Simple Truth. Is it? Really? I want food, not religion. And I want GOOD food. For everyone. So I’m here to warn you. DO NOT BUY SIMPLE TRUTH CONDIMENTS. Especially products like: soy sauce/tamari sauce; tahini; and the like. They suck out loud. The tamari is so truly awful that I’ve thrown the bottle out, rather than use it. I have no idea why they would even LABEL it tamari, as it bears no resemblance to tamari, other than being roughly the same color. It has little taste and will bring nothing to your dish. Ahem. After that little tirade, perhaps I shouldn’t get started on my opinion of their version of tahini. You can no doubt guess that it’s NOT GOOD. Lol. IF you wish to buy condiments and stuff, for the love of whatever deity or thing you hold dear, take my best advice and buy brands that are known to specialize in these products. If you like experimenting, try different brands. But stay away from this generic “we’ve got to be good because we say we’re organic” and we’ll try making EVERYTHING brand.

    Look. In this day and age, most grocery stores, including Krogers, offer you a fairly wide variety to choose from when selecting your flours, condiments, baking products, snacks, and produce. What I’m saying is that you can usually do better than Simple Truth. And that’s the truth.

  • Mindfulness Tea Cup (Poem)

    Steam rises from the tea.

    Consider these things.

    The tea did not brew itself.

    The tea did not magically appear in the cup.

    The tea will not float on the air to be sipped.

    I have to act for these to happen.

    Let me do so in a mindful manner.

    That I might enter fully this moment in time.

  • A Path And A Rock (Poem)

    Walking a path, I stumble over a rock in the way.

    It reminds me to be more aware,

    Look downwards as well as ahead,

    To pause and give this my attention.

    How so then

    Does this continue to happen?

  • Thankfulness Tea Cup (Poem)

    Steam rises from the cup.

    Consider these things.

    I am so grateful to have tea.

    I bow down to the earth that nourished it.

    I bow down to the farmers that grew it.

    I bow down to the masters that crafted it.

    I bow down to the workers that transported it.

    Om Mani Padme Hung.

    “May all beings have happiness and the cause of happness.

    May they be free of suffering and the cause of suffering.

    May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering.

    May they remain in the boundless equanimity, free from both attachment to close ones and rejection of others. “

  • Emptiness Tea Cup (Poem)

    Steam rises from the tea.

    Consider these things.

    The cup which contains the tea

    Has already been shattered.

    The tea itself has been consumed.

    Gate gate paragate

    Parasamgate bodhi svaha.

    “Gone, gone, gone beyond,

    Gone altogether beyond,

    Oh, what an awakening! All hail!”

  • Start The Hard Conversations NOW

    It’s looking Biden might win. As a progressive (though Biden is hardly one), I am hoping he does. But whether he wins or loses, we as Americans need to begin to have difficult conversations amongst ourselves. Perhaps ESPECIALLY if he wins. We need to be gathering together (safely, of course) to discuss these sorts of things: Some of us think that separating families, taking children from their parents, placing them in cages WAS ACCEPTABLE. (At the time I’m writing this, 545 of these children STILL have yet to be located.) Now, I realize that those who are okay with this won’t like the way I describe this. Fine. Let’s talk, and you can tell me why crossing an (imaginary) line makes this a moral act, and not something you protested. Some of us believe that BLM is a terrorist movement, that systemic racism does not exist, and that the police treat everyone the same. I want to ask those who believe this WHY do you think this is so? ON what basis? Because of YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE? I’m really asking here. But you need to having these talks with folks near and dear. I’m sure you know someone close to home.

    These are just a couple of examples. You get the gist of what I’m trying to do. But until we face what we’ve done the past four years, look at each other squarely and come to terms, then I don’t think we’re going to heal. We’re merely going to do what we’ve done in the past with the hard things: cover them up; pretend they aren’t there; hope they’ll go away on their own. (Yeah, how’d that whole “post-racial society” thing work out for us? When Obama got elected? Hmmmm?) Americans unfortunately are not known for doing this. We like fast, convenient, easy, and comfortable fixes. But I fear that unless we do this, the reckoning will come whether we want it or not. And it will take us all.

  • Choose Life-Some Thoughts On Yom Kippur

    On Yom Kippur, we are told:

    I have put before you blessing and curse. Choose life-so that you and your children may live!

    I’ve been reflecting on what this means for me, as a Jew, as a Buddhist, but very much as a person who struggles on a daily basis with clinical depression and occasional suiciality. This phrase is NOT one I can utter lightly or undertake with any sort of facile means. For me, it is indeed fraught, and a vow I must take with most solemn intent.

    A bit of personal history: I have more than one suicide in my background. This makes suicide as an option imminently real, as these were both past very close relationships. One was a partner; one was a best friend. I have another ATTEMPTED suicide that I talked down from the ledge. So this is not a theoretical exercise for me. I know what it means; the reverberations it sends throughout the lives it touches, as well the sheer physical mess it leaves to be cleaned up for the unfortunate chosen ones to find your remains. I’m not working on some romanticized ideal gotten from poetry books and bad movies. This knowledge has been one of the things keeping me from it-I didn’t want to inflict this damage on anyone else. I do take personal responsibility pretty seriously, yeah? But then when I’m fighting the suicidal voice, it is saying: “But YOU’LL be dead, what will you care?” That’s when being both a Jew AND a Buddhist kicks in (good for me and the rest of you) and replies: IT MATTERS! I have a responsibility to others b/c I am in community (as a Jew) and also I am acting in a fundamentally deluded manner that will have definite negative karmic results (as a Buddhist).

    So how DO I choose life? I do so by attending services and thereby being in community. (Thank you to my good friend G.S. for enabling me to join TWO shuls in this brave new connected world!) I do so by deepening my Buddhist practice. (Thank you to the two wonderful sites I use online.) I have an excellent pdoc without whom I would flounder. A therapist would be nice, but at this point is cake, thanks to my less-than-helpful insurance coverage for such things. And of course I must mention the companionship of my whippet, Miss P. Her faithful and patient love has truly changed my life, and I will be forever grateful.

  • What We Can Do When All The News Is Bad (Poem)

    Lay me down some clean licks;

    We all need some cool kicks-

    A sick beat or a slow jam,

    We’ll take what we can.

    Every day is so hard.

    This is why we need to dance

    And sing, though we are crying.

    Let our hearts and bodies move.

    Our troubles, our troubles are many, yeah,

    But they will not throw us down.

    We have known joys, too.

    Joys to hold in the air

    And toss to each other as we dance

    In the midst of our mourning.

    We have known greatness

    And will again, for we are strong.

    Strong enough to move on

    To do the work that need to be done

    With gladness in our hearts

    And resolution in our steps.

    Sing, dance, cry, move, mourn,

    Work hard and finally, brothers and sisters and all kindred,

    Oh, yes, V>O>T>E.

  • Social Life? What’s THAT?

    Before Covid-19 hit, I was a facsimile of a functional human. I attended meetings of all kinds, frequent protests, and…actually had a SOCIAL LIFE. GASP! Yes, for pretty much the first time in my freaking life, I was doing things that I had always read about: I visited other people on a regular basis; friends came to hang out with me; and I even occasionally-can you believe it-had dinner parties! I went to restaurants, a play every now and then, shopped at the farmers market for produce for great produce AND to catch up on all the local haps, and loved to browse in all the downtown shops (spent a fair amount of change there, too.)

    Now this has all come to an abrupt and full stop. All meetings are done via Zoom. I did attend ONE protest for BLM in Abingdon after the shooting of George Floyd; most participants wore masks and social-distanced, EXCEPT for the police present. (My first and last in-person event. Unless the election goes badly. Then I’ll figure F-it. And join others. Democracy being at stake is worth it, yeah?) But other than ONE steadfast friend who has remarkably wonderfully decided that I shouldn’t be subjected to transit during this time, I see no-one. And really wouldn’t HEAR from anyone, except for this friend and one other friend who calls every day. Everyone else has dropped away, unless I call them. Which I try NOT to do anymore, really. Because one, it feels intrusive now. And two, it gets exhausting having to be the one always doing this. And I’m getting tired of trying when the effort doesn’t seem to be returned. It takes me awhile to learn, y’all, but eventually I DO learn what you are trying to tell me without actually telling me, yeah? So I’ll stop. Sorry for the bother.

    It’s all digital now (for me, at least), folks! Friends are electric! Since I don’t DRIVE and don’t have a YARD, I don’t get to participate in the new version of what social life is now. Friends tell me about dinner parties held outdoors and trips to the new Barter-at-the -Moonlite. This all sounds delightful. I’m happy folks are finding ways to cope. But another friend who lives in an apartment, who doesn’t drive, and who makes minimum wage and I were discussing this. Society seems to be drawing even more lines right now, and the stark differences between those who are privileged and those who aren’t get made clearer and clearer. (As if we couldn’t see them before!)

    I appreciate everyone who has reached out via text or on FB to inquire about the well-being of Miss P! As you know, SHE is more important to me than me. So that means more than I can say. So thank you all for caring about the well-being of this beautiful whippet! I love you all for that. And for the tangible gifts as well: the St. Francis medal (and a whole order nuns to pray for her!); the mishaberachs; a snuggly sheepskin rug; home-cooked meals; and an in-person priestly blessing!

    https://youtu.be/22Z4Tv1zn-shttps://youtu.be/22Z4Tv1zn-s

  • Sunday Evening

    This is the hard time.

    The time when I think about my friends.

    Some drink, smoke or do other more questionable things.

    I don’t have any such refuge.

    I face this onslaught by holding on as I can

    (By letting go of holding on).

    I pace the floors, consider making a sound but no,

    And breathe into the pain.

    Step; inhale; step; exhale….

    I remind myself when I pause

    The worst that could happen would be the best outcome.

    Eventually, thankfully, this WILL end.

    One way or another. Nothing lasts forever.

    Walk; breathe; walk; breathe.