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Another Wildfire (Poem)

I turn away from you all

curl upon myself like a leaf

that folds when consumed by fire

I watch myself burn

icy flames reducing everything to cinders

tears do no good so laugh instead

bitterness mixing with acceptance

I wonder with detached interest

where I will go when I arise

empty and empty-handed

dirty with ashy gray smears

snow arrives in the morning

quieting the landscape with a monotonous sigh

the hush unbroken even by raucous black crows

winter’s offering given without expectation

a brief pause in time and space

for whatever asks to be held close or let go

opportunity so take it

let what needs settle into fallow ground

pass upwards into scudding clouds

grief joy tears laughter all equal

this season I bury unforeseen woes in the hard frozen dirt

send unexpected happiness to spread with the icy flakes

wrap kindness found in common encounters

around me as a blanket

warm in the mournful hours of night

did he stand there before that day that hour that minute that moment

wondering what the impact would bring other than an end

was it an opportunity seized without forethought

the result of some altered state overlaid upon longstanding suffering

however he came to this act it was final

the stop to all that had come before and one that had no backing out

death by train is not even a gamble

but a surety as certain as any high jump

its whistle blast a warning this is no playtime nor rehearsal

serving also for him afterwards a long lonely sound of mourning

the only cry of recognition the only cry of grief he received