you forgot-or didn’t know-that I knew stories of that land

the timbered barn built by hand and burned in vengeance

the two streams that provided water and their springs

the reasons for the midden heap and the small house that overlooked it

I walked the boundaries every year

over rocky embankments between barbed wire fencing

learned about what had grown and what had not

what might be a good idea if the weather held

I sat in rooms warmed only by a stone hearth’s fire

and shared hot coffee and stories with people

whose names I do not remember

but whose gnarled hands I still see quite clear

I loved all of this pure and simple

felt it settle upon me like an obligation

care but do not own, land cannot be owned

for a time we lived in the same place

yet inhabited different homes

I saw walls hung rich with art

ate meals from hand-thrown plates

slept on a bed built with love

you didn’t notice paintings at all

thought pottery worthless bits of clay

had no care for handmade things

saddened I see this still in you

though you place no value in what I think

you have turned the world into your mirror

all you see is your glittering self

even my love could not pull your gaze

travel back now to the home you left

the home from which you were banished

to the doors which you closed behind you

the doors that refused you admittance

paint the walls with your tears

let them run with streaks of icy blue

then throw your laughter bright upon them

and walk away forever this time

the doors thrown open in invitation to all

the house finally empty of all sorrow

leaving only your many discarded faces

a tree grew on the banks of the bayous

shadowed for long periods but with filtered sun

enough to thrive and reach out over the waters

it sheltered nutria beneath its shade

sometimes a human would rest there

in verdant silence undisturbed and find

a moment of stillness would settle their mind

the tree’s gift, drawn up from deep roots

offered to any who drew near

but the tree became tall and the bayou traveled

so one day men came with saws

the noise they made filled the air

each cut into the bark shriller than the last

at the end as they left, they looked back at the clearing

stopped in their tracks by a sudden peace

your heart, so full of love, so full of grief

cannot prepare for absence

will not allow to you to sit at the table

alone and say, she will not sit here again

it insists that this cannot be so, this void

looks away determined that she waits

one footstep away from entering the room

and if only you look at just the right moment

she’ll walk in to pull out her chair

the fullness of this daily act so simple, so dear

that without it, the silence swallows all

still you hear your overflowing heart, your stubborn heart

crack and crack and crack

though I know ghost roads of this town

stories of hidden bones

burnt ruins of forgotten churches

bloodied shame of certain corner lots

I am once again a stranger here

warily walk unfamiliar ways

finding small welcome or recognition

not significant enough to be granted

even a visitors pass

she is gone. that is all.

the how, the why, the when are nothing.

they cannot change these things:

the bed no longer warmed by her long limbs.

the blanket dampened by my tears.

the pillow lonely without her head.

that she walked into death with willing hands,

the river her only road of escape,

this does not matter.

her absence is the bedrock of grief,

the hard ground where I have lain,

and from here I have to stand.

the wind knew what I would not

whispered it through the trees

and they remembered it also

made it shine like gold on every leaf

weighing so heavy with unspoken love

felling each one by one

a foliaged pool spilled across the coal dust

the dry rustle as I walked

the brilliant glint that caught the sun

these poured recall to my cracked broken heart

I knelt in the trail and cried